The Old Guard: New take on a familiar concept

The Old Guard (2020) • View trailer 
3.5 stars. Rated R, for profanity and graphic violence
By Derrick Bang • Originally published in The Davis Enterprise, 7.24.20

Immortality isn’t as cool as some folks likely assume.

Popular comic book writer Greg Rucka provocatively blended that premise with conventional action-hero thrills in the 2017 series The Old Guard, with artwork by Leandro Fernandez; the graphic novel immediately attracted Hollywood’s attention, with a well-cast Charlize Theron adding another notch to her re-invention as a bad-ass mercenary type.

Although Andy (Charlize Theron, center right) does her best to explain the abilities that
she shares with the much younger Nile (KiKi Layne), the latter isn't interested in playing
nice: a rather foolish attitude, while in a transport plane being flown by a Russian
drug smuggler.

Gina Prince-Bythewood was an unlikely but ultimately just-right choice as director, having previously helmed gentler fare such as Love & Basketball and The Secret Life of Bees. As a result, her approach here is much more character-driven than the soulless slugfests that distinguish most action thrillers. We care about these folks: far more than you’d expect, given the far-fetched premise. They’re well sculpted, and equally well played.

Prince-Bythewood, editor Terilyn A. Shropshire and their stunt/fight coordinators — Brycen Counts, Adam Kirley and Danny Hernandez — also choreograph some furious skirmishes.

The film — debuting on Netflix — is quite faithful to its origins; credit for that goes to Rucka, who wrote his own script adaptation. Fans of the original series will note that he made one significant change, as we slide into the action-laden climax; this new element significantly enhances the pathos of Theron’s performance.

It’s actually a shame that all previews — and media publicity — reveal the immortality angle, because that awareness spoils the jolt of surprise unknowing viewers otherwise would receive, when this detail is revealed midway through the first act.

Andy (Theron) heads a quartet of independent mercenaries who’ve devoted their lives to righting wrongs, saving innocents, executing war-mongers and so forth. They’ve always chosen their assignments carefully; they’re definitely “good guys,” even as they act as judge, jury and executioner.

The team includes Booker (Matthias Schoenaerts), who liaises with entities looking to hire them; and Joe (Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky (Luca Marinelli), passionately devoted lovers. All four are impressively capable warriors, and no wonder; they’ve been around for a long time.

Joe and Nicky met while fighting on opposite sides during the Crusades; Booker was a French soldier during the Napoleonic era.

Andy — actually Andromache of Scythia — is thousands of years old.

Aladdin: Lost its luster

Aladdin (2019) • View trailer 
Three stars. Rated PG, for no particular reason
By Derrick Bang • Originally published in The Davis Enterprise, 5.24.19

Too many Hollywood types ignore the universal maxim:

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

When arrogant soldiers thunder through the marketplace on horseback, Aladdin
(Mena Massoud) acts quickly enough to prevent two children from being trampled
beneath the hooves.

1992’s Aladdin was just right as a 90-minute animated fantasy. This “enhanced” live-action remake, at 128 minutes, is a textbook case of bloated overkill.

Disney obviously didn’t learn from the identical mistake made with 2017’s live-action Beauty and the Beast, similarly overblown at 129 minutes (as opposed to the 1991 animated version’s 84 minutes). More is not better, most particularly when the original’s sublime musical component gets saddled with new songs that aren’t merely inferior, but are noticeably out of synch with the rest.

Scripter/director Guy Ritchie — who shares writing chores with John August — has completely altered this fable’s heart and moral. Instead of a cautionary tale on the importance of recognizing that grandiose wishes are a hollow illusion, this Aladdin has been transformed, and quite clumsily, into a female empowerment saga.

This new subtext doesn’t integrate well with the existing storyline; indeed, it’s clearly a contrived sop to the #MeToo movement, complete with a (new) power ballad that Princess Jasmine (Naomi Scott) belts out at a climactic moment. But here’s the irony: Immediately after she sings that song, Aladdin is the one who saves the day.

And why shouldn’t he? Disney animated films are laden with powerful female characters: Ariel, Belle, Pocahontas, Mulan, Merida, Tiana, Rapunzel, Lilo, Moana and — needless to say — Anna and Elsa. Is there anything wrong with leaving Aladdin a guy story?

It’s also blatantly obvious that Jasmine’s aforementioned mantra — “Speechless” — was crafted to sound as much as possible like “Let It Go,” the Academy Award-winning anthem from Frozen. That “coincidence” aside, this new tune doesn’t belong with the others.

The original film’s Alan Menken/Howard Ashman/Tim Rice songs boast the witty lyrics and clever melodic counterpoint of masterful musical theater numbers. And while Menken still wrote the music for “Speechless,” the lyrics — by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul — are unimaginative and redundant. It’s not a song; it’s a diatribe.

Sigh.

The Mummy: Should've stayed buried

The Mummy (2017) • View trailer 
Two stars. Rated PG-13, and generously, for relentless violence, scary images, dramatic intensity, partial nudity and mild sensuality
By Derrick Bang

Tom Cruise is on solid ground when he concentrates on straight action epics, such as the always entertaining Mission: Impossible series.

Nick (Tom Cruise) and Jenny (Annabelle Wallis) can't believe what they're seeing: probably
fresh script pages that make even less sense than what they've endured, thus far, in this
laughable mess of a movie.

But when he attempts to blend adventure with light humor, the results can be dire. He’s a far, far cry from the breezy comedic charisma of — to pull out an appropriate name — Brendan Fraser.

In fairness, Cruise can’t take all the blame for the lamentable mess of The Mummy; there’s plenty to go around. This debut entry in Universal Pictures’ highly touted “Dark Universe” classic monster revival series is a grave disappointment, from Alex Kurtzman’s lackadaisical direction, to a breathtakingly bonkers script credited to no fewer than six (!) people. It would appear that too many cooks spoiled the broth.

This is a kitchen sink mess, with elements borrowed (or stolen) from all over the place, then clumsily stitched together in a manner that only Dr. Frankenstein could love. Cruise swans about, one scene to the next, not even trying for characterization — not that he’s given much — and adding absolutely nothing to these daft proceedings.

Hell, co-star Jake Johnson gives a more engaging performance. And he’s dead most of the time.

This abysmal monster mash clearly was compromised by the need to serve too many masters. I’m surprised the ego-laden Cruise even signed up, because he isn’t the significant element in this ghoul-laden thrill ride; he’s merely window dressing, as the stage is set for future installments involving the Invisible Man, the Wolf Man, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and the aforementioned Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Establishing all of that pulls focus from the adventure at hand, to its additional detriment.

Mostly, though, this Mummy simply isn’t well conceived. It’s one of those make-it-up-as-we go contrivances, with random, Perils of Pauline-style dangers interrupting microscopic moments of plot. The story also suffers from a malady quite common to modern adventure epics: a villain so strong, so evil, so world-manipulatingly powerful, that there’s simply no way our ordinary, flesh-and-blood heroes could prevail.

Except that the script says they must, and, well, that’s that.