Following in the lamentable footsteps of 2017’s live-action Beauty and the Beast, which transformed its absolutely perfect animated predecessor into a 129-minute slog, this live-action update of 1989’s 83-minute charmer similarly has become an even more bloated 135-minute exercise in tedium.
I’ve no idea why Disney continues to tarnish the memory of these legacy classics, particularly when this one has been done so clumsily. The original Alan Menken/Howard Ashman song score has been “enhanced” with three new tunes by Menken and lyricist Lin-Manuel Miranda, and — all due respect to the latter’s better credentials — the mis-match is glaring.
When Prince Eric (Jonah Hauer-King) nearly drowns, following the loss of his ship,
Ariel (Halle Bailey) manages to save him, and drag him to shore.
Worse yet, Miranda also added additional lyrics to several of Ashman’s existing songs, which were perfectly fine to begin with, thank you very much.
David Magee’s updated — and protracted — script apparently was designed to inject a new subtext of inclusiveness: a usually welcome theme which, alas, is delivered here with the subtlety of a sledge hammer. (I’m not one to scream “woke” at the drop of a fin, but good grief, folks; was the overkill really necessary?)
2021’s Luca handled this far more gracefully.
All of this is a shame, because Halle Bailey is sensational as this new film’s Ariel. She has terrific screen presence, a gorgeous — and powerful — singing voice, and an expressive face that conveys a wealth of emotion. The one saving grace of the otherwise tiresome second hour — which spends far too much time with Ariel navigating her human form in the prince’s castle — is the endearing charm of her muteness (having traded her voice for legs).
But that’s getting ahead of things. A quick recap, for newcomers:
Ariel, one of the seven daughters of King Triton (Javier Bardem, pompously grave), has long been fascinated by the intriguing trinkets and tchotchkes that occasionally fall overboard from passing ships (or, less happily, which she salvages from shipwrecks). This is a source of amusement to her best friends, Flounder the fish (voiced by Jacob Tremblay) and Sebastian the crab (Daveed Diggs), who also is Triton’s major-domo.
Whenever Ariel surfaces, in order to clandestinely observe the mysterious doings of these humans in their passing ships, her little gang is augmented by Scuttle (Awkwafina), a neurotic, dim-witted diving seabird who fancies herself an expert on All Things Human.
Ariel therefore is present when a ship commanded by the nearby realm’s Prince Eric (Jonah Hauer-King) runs aground and splinters into bits; he would have drowned, but for her intervention. Ariel brings him ashore, waits just long enough to ensure that he’s all right — which grants him a fleeting glimpse of his savior — and then slides back into the sea.
Eric then becomes obsessed with the need to find this young woman: a quest that annoys his mother, Queen Selina (Noma Dumezweni), and amuses the more understanding Prime Minister, Sir Grimsby (Art Malik, also sublime).
Ariel, meanwhile — after a falling out with her father — rashly strikes a devil’s bargain with his sibling, the evil sea-witch Ursula (Melissa McCarthy). Ariel trades her lovely voice for legs, but the bargain comes with a catch: She has three sunsets to persuade the prince to kiss her with genuine love, else she’ll revert to mermaid form and belong to Ursula for eternity.
That’s a tall order, given that Ariel has become mute. Worse yet, Ursula has further poisoned the deal (as villains always do).
On top of which, now that Ariel is in human form, Eric fails to recognize her; he instead persists in searching for his mysterious savior, unaware that she’s right next to him.
Well.
The original film’s tuneful high points — “Under the Sea” and “Kiss the Girl” — are just as much fun here, and Bailey also delivers a truly soulful rendition of “Part of Your World” (several times, in fact).
Alas, Hauer-King is a very weak link, with the screen presence and dimensionality of a bare-chested hunk from a Harlequin romance book cover. His line deliveries are breathless and overblown, and his song solo — “Wild Uncharted Waters,” one of the new tunes — is wincingly slushy (although, in fairness, Miranda’s lyrics do him no favors).
But this isn’t the worst musical moment. That dishonor belongs to “The Scuttlebutt,” a new patter tune sung by Diggs and Awkwafina. Much as the latter’s comedic chops make Scuttle a hilariously enjoyable character, this screeching tune is a wincing disaster.
Perhaps more crucially, the underwater special effects aren’t entirely successful. Ariel’s flowing hair, and the grace with which all ocean denizens swim, feels right … but close-ups convey no sense of “wetness,” or the myriad bits of underwater stuff that should be floating everywhere. Ariel’s conversations with her father look like they’re taking place in a surface-world den.
McCarthy is well-cast as the tentacled Ursula; she’s quite scary, and does reasonable justice to her solo on “Poor Unfortunate Souls.” Diggs is a hoot as Sebastian, particularly during his nervous chats with Triton. Tremblay isn’t given much to do; Flounder’s presence here feels superficial.
Dumezweni is appropriately regal as Queen Selina, whose concern for her wayward son feels heartfelt.
Magee’s updated plot follows its animated predecessor (mostly) faithfully, until a heavy-handed epilogue. This kumbaya tableau is simply embarrassing.
It seems unlikely that this film’s target audience will embrace it; young attention spans won’t tolerate the needlessly protracted second act. I’m not sure who that leaves; those with fond memories of the animated original likely will be annoyed, or (at the very least) shake their heads in sorrow.
It has oft been observed that remakes — of whatever scale — shouldn’t be undertaken unless they’re able to improve upon the original. In that crucial respect, this Little Mermaid is a sad failure.
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