Three stars. Rated PG, and needlessly
By Derrick Bang
Occasional successes such as The Lego Movie notwithstanding,
Hollywood’s track record with respect to designing films from toys has been
spotty, at best.
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| After several of their friends are kidnapped by the evil, Troll-chomping Bergen chef, the eternally cheerful Poppy, left, tries to persuade the eternally gloomy Branch to join her on a rescue mission. |
Anybody out there remember GoBots: Battle of the Rock Lords? Or Bratz: The Movie? Kit Kittredge: An American Girl? Clue? Battleship? Jem and the Holograms? Or — God help us
all — The Garbage Pail Kids?
Contrary to what is assumed by
far too many of today’s Tinseltown deal makers, good movies rarely spring from
15-word concept pitches, regardless of the source material. At the beginning,
middle and end of the day, it always comes down to story, story, story.
Which is the ingredient most
sorely lacking in DreamWorks Animation’s Trolls.
To be sure, the film’s “fuzzy
immersion” look is fabulous, with everything given a luxurious, yarn-like
quality. The color palette is equally pleasing: bright pastel hues that favor
rich blues, greens, pinks and purples. No question: It’s a razzle-dazzle
delight, populated by adorable animated characters that are certain to please
very young viewers.
Anybody over the age of 6 or 7
... not so much.
Adults ... not at all.
The derivative, threadbare script
aside — Erica Rivinoja, Glenn Berger and Jonathan Aibel couldn’t have spent
much time on it — this film’s insufferable, gooey-sweet tone is guaranteed to
send diabetics into sugar shock. It’s syrupy overkill on par with the slushy,
mushy movies based on the Care Bears, Rainbow Brite and My Little Pony.
Ya gotta worry about a movie that
promises to help viewers Find Their Happy Place.
So. This vividly multihued realm
is inhabited by fuzzy, barefooted Trolls of various shades (and a few unusual
sizes). All possess the ability to expand and manipulate their hair, with the
skill of Spider-Man and his web-shooters. By and large, though, the forever
cheerful Trolls are much too busy with “hug attacks” every 30 minutes, and
their tendency to burst into song at random moments.
Alas, the Trolls share this kingdom
with the much larger, uglier and nastier Bergens: dour, pessimistic creatures
who look much more like the actual trolls of ancient myth, than the little
Trolls themselves. The Bergens yearn to be happy, and learned long ago that the
only way to achieve such bliss ... was by devouring Trolls. Baked, fried,
sautéed, fricasseed or simply popped into the mouth and chomped, like a
gumball.
Even if the Troll is still alive
and protesting.
(Like, seriously? That’s a rather grim concept for such a family-friendly
endeavor.)
