TURKEY (no stars). Rated R, for relentless profanity, crude and sexual content, and brief graphic nudity
By Derrick Bang
Wow. And I thought Pixels was bad.
Actually, it is bad. But this one’s worse.
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| Are you sure this is a good idea? Rusty (Ed Helms, far right) insists that their whitewater rafting guide's sudden romantic breakup won't affect their excursion down the Colorado River. The rest of the family — from left, James (Skyler Gisondo), Kevin (Steele Stebbins) and Debbie (Christina Applegate) — have their doubts... |
Even by the deplorable,
lowest-common-denominator standards set by the likes of Ted 2 and most Melissa McCarthy vehicles, this updated Vacation is a ghastly train wreck, and
an embarrassment to all concerned.
I’m stunned by the notion that
writer/directors John Francis Daley and Jonathan M. Goldstein actually got paid
for their so-called work on this turkey. Where can I get a job like that?
Far from accepting a paycheck for
this mess, they should have been forced to surrender every cent they made on
previous efforts. Oh, wait ... that would be both Horrible Bosses entries, and The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. Not much profit participation there.
I still can’t fathom how
Hollywood works. On the basis of the above, the most recent of which was the
gawdawful Horrible Bosses 2, these
talentless hacks are “rewarded” with a directorial debut?
We can pray only for celestial
justice: that this will be the first and
last film ever directed by Daley and Goldstein.
In fairness, this remake is
“justified” better than some. Rusty Griswold, the kid who endured the world’s
worst family road trip back in 1983’s National
Lampoon’s Vacation (and who was played by a young Anthony Michael Hall),
has grown up to be a dweeb every bit as inept as Daddy Clark (Chevy Chase, back
in the day). Sensing family ennui, the now-adult Rusty decides to spice things
up by re-creating that long-ago excursion.
Cue another dire road trip, with
all sorts of calamities and opportunities for mortification.
Trouble is, Daley and Goldstein
obviously never got past that one-sentence pitch, which somehow buffaloed
Warner Bros. execs into bankrolling this disaster. As a result, this new Vacation doesn’t merely feel random, or
made up from one day to the next; it’s a blatant exercise in lazy filmmaking.
Cast members don’t even try to emote; everybody just sorta
stands around and intones lines, with all the dramatic heft of a toddler
learning her first words. I’ll bet these folks didn’t even memorize their
dialogue; I’d swear they were reading off-camera cue cards.
It could be argued, of course,
that this script didn’t deserve better.
