Dog Days: Should be buried in the back yard

Dog Days (2018) • View trailer 
Two stars. Rated PG, for suggestive and mildly rude humor, and brief profanity
By Derrick Bang

Rarely has an August release been better titled.

If you’ve ever wondered about a director’s impact on a film, look no further than this woeful misfire. 

Dax (Adam Pally) doesn't know a thing about looking out for a dog, when he's abruptly
dragooned into caring for his sister's pooch Charlie. Fortunately, they bond quickly over
junk food and bad movies.

From its first scene to the last, Dog Days reeks of directorial incompetence, because almost nobody in the sizable ensemble cast delivers a credible performance. Line readings are flat, wooden and unconvincing; the so-called acting is stiff, clumsy and insincere.

Potentially amusing bits of dialog land with the dismal thump of a proverbial lead balloon. Not that it matters much, because nothing is fresh about Elissa Matsueda and Erica Oyama’s uninspired script, which can be anticipated at every turn.

Marino and his writers apparently have tried to duplicate the parallel interlocked storylines and gentle romantic comedy vibe of Garry Marshall’s Valentine’s Day (2010) and New Year’s Eve (2011), with minimal results. The multiple character dynamics don’t work when the interactions are so forced and unnatural, and the interactive elements feel contrived.

Were it not for this film’s many four-legged co-stars — kudos to veteran animal trainer Mark Harden — Dog Days would be a total bust.

The two-legged players, in no particular order:

• Perky but rather stiff Channel 6 morning show newscaster Elizabeth (Nina Dobrev), recently jilted by her two-timing boyfriend, is forced to take on a co-host: former NFL star Jimmy Johnston (Tone Bell). She dislikes him on sight, but grudgingly bonds, over time, because their dogs — Sam and Brandy, respectively — get along so well.

• Radiant coffee shop barista Tara (Vanessa Hudgens) frets about her wasted college degree in marketing, while swooning over hunky veterinarian Dr. Mike (Michael Cassidy), and oblivious to how much socially awkward, rescue-dog agency owner Garrett (Jon Bass) wishes that she’d notice him. This dynamic shifts when Tara finds an abandoned Chihuahua she promptly dubs Gertrude.

• New parents Greg (Thomas Lennon) and Ruth (Jessica St. Clair), overstressed by the arrival of twins, foist their labradoodle Charlie onto her irresponsible brother Dax (Adam Pally), a musician forever seeking gigs for his band, who isn’t allowed to have dogs in his loft apartment building.

Baywatch: Hit the beach!

Baywatch (2017) • View trailer 
3.5 stars. Rated R, for relentless profanity, crude sexual content and graphic nudity
By Derrick Bang

Well, color me surprised.

Far from the train wreck I anticipated, Baywatch is an unexpectedly entertaining take on the popular 1989-01 television series, which became must-see TV throughout the world — in syndication — after being dumped by NBC following a single season. (And boy, I’ll bet somebody’s head rolled after that mistake.)

As Mitch (Dwayne Johnson, left) and Matt (Zac Efron) grow increasingly suspicious of
the activity on a fancy yacht, they wonder if this might have something to do with the
nefarious development scheme that threatens their beloved Emerald Bay.

Mind you, we’re not talking classic cinema here. But director Seth Gordon and his half dozen credited writers keep their tongues firmly in cheek, and the result is an engaging blend of snarky comedy, rat-a-tat repartee, improbable action, bonding melodrama and — as was the case with the TV show — the ripped abs and barely zippered pulchritude of unapologetic beefcake and cheesecake.

As guilty pleasures come, this one’s shamelessly enticing.

Credit where due, Dwayne Johnson has a lot to do with this film’s success. It’s not merely a matter of his herculean feats of brawn, which we never tire of watching; he also knows how to toss a glib one-liner. Johnson has undeniable charisma and presence, and enough acting chops to navigate this sort of material. In a word, he’s fun ... and so is this film.

Johnson stars as veteran lifeguard Mitch Buchannon, top dog of the team at Emerald Bay: a well-recognized figure admired by all, who arrives early every morning to patrol his busy stretch of beach. He’s assisted by Stephanie Holden (Ilfenesh Hadera), his regimented, by-the-book second in command; and CJ Parker (Kelly Rohrbach, a former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model), a free-spirited lifeguard who keeps the zipper low on her halter top, and has the uncanny ability to jog in slow motion (one of the film’s many running gags).

The summer season has just begun, which means it’s time for tryouts for three open spots on the Baywatch team. The hopefuls include the bookish, hyper-competent Summer Quinn (Alexandra Daddario); and the awkward, slightly pudgy but stubbornly determined Ronnie (Jon Bass), an Emerald Bay local taking his third stab at joining this elite squad.

Much to Mitch’s displeasure, he’s also forced to consider former Olympian Matt Brody (Zac Efron), a two-time gold medalist — in solo events — who blew off his teammates in the relay event. Matt has since devolved into a law-breaking, self-indulgent bad boy who still believes the world owes him a living, despite having become a social media joke.

Mitch doesn’t want anything to do with this arrogant loser, but his micro-managing boss (Rob Huebel) insists, believing that adding Matt to the team could be a public relations gold mine.