Two stars. Rated PG-13, and generously, for relentless violence, scary images, dramatic intensity, partial nudity and mild sensuality
By Derrick Bang
Tom Cruise is on solid ground
when he concentrates on straight action epics, such as the always entertaining Mission: Impossible series.
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| Nick (Tom Cruise) and Jenny (Annabelle Wallis) can't believe what they're seeing: probably fresh script pages that make even less sense than what they've endured, thus far, in this laughable mess of a movie. |
But when he attempts to blend adventure
with light humor, the results can be dire. He’s a far, far cry from the breezy
comedic charisma of — to pull out an appropriate name — Brendan Fraser.
In fairness, Cruise can’t take
all the blame for the lamentable mess of The
Mummy; there’s plenty to go around. This debut entry in Universal Pictures’
highly touted “Dark Universe” classic monster revival series is a grave
disappointment, from Alex Kurtzman’s lackadaisical direction, to a
breathtakingly bonkers script credited to no fewer than six (!) people. It
would appear that too many cooks spoiled the broth.
This is a kitchen sink mess, with
elements borrowed (or stolen) from all over the place, then clumsily stitched
together in a manner that only Dr. Frankenstein could love. Cruise swans about,
one scene to the next, not even trying for characterization — not that he’s
given much — and adding absolutely nothing to these daft proceedings.
Hell, co-star Jake Johnson gives
a more engaging performance. And he’s dead
most of the time.
This abysmal monster mash clearly
was compromised by the need to serve too many masters. I’m surprised the
ego-laden Cruise even signed up, because he isn’t the significant element in
this ghoul-laden thrill ride; he’s merely window dressing, as the stage is set
for future installments involving the Invisible Man, the Wolf Man, the Creature
from the Black Lagoon, and the aforementioned Dr. Victor Frankenstein.
Establishing all of that pulls focus from the adventure at hand, to its
additional detriment.
Mostly, though, this Mummy simply isn’t well conceived. It’s
one of those make-it-up-as-we go contrivances, with random, Perils of Pauline-style dangers
interrupting microscopic moments of plot. The story also suffers from a malady
quite common to modern adventure epics: a villain so strong, so evil, so
world-manipulatingly powerful, that there’s simply no way our ordinary,
flesh-and-blood heroes could prevail.
Except that the script says they must, and, well, that’s that.
