Red, White & Royal Blue: Colorless

Red, White & Royal Blue (2023) • View trailer

2.5 stars (out of five). Rated R, for strong sexual content, partial nudity and profanity

Available via: Amazon Prime

By Derrick Bang

I’ve rarely seen a film this uneven.

 

Director Matthew López’s romantic comedy opens with a bit of over-the-top slapstick that suggests what follows might be relentless, frat-boy hijinks.

 

Prince Henry (Nicholas Galitzine, left) and "First Son" Alex Claremont-Diaz (Taylor
Zakhar Perez) smile politely — despite mutual antipathy — moments before they
create a horrific wedding crisis.

Fortunately, the bulk of the film instead settles into a sweet — if needlessly protracted, and highly improbable — wouldn’t-it-be-nice romantic fairy tale, set in the rarefied realm of upper-echelon U.S. and British ruling families.

But that idealistic atmosphere ultimately is destroyed by an atrociously strident, sermonesque finale that stretches credibility way beyond any level of acceptance ... and, it must be mentioned, veers wildly from the 2019 Casey McQuiston novel on which this film is based. The word “overkill” leaps to mind.

 

I can’t imagine what López and co-scripter Ted Malawer were thinking. If I wanted a lecture, I’d go back to school.

 

Everybody involved undoubtedly hoped to replicate the warm reception McQuiston’s LGBT romance novel received upon publication, but the characters and plot beats here have been simplified and sugar-coated to an absurd degree. Drama doesn’t exist without conflict, and — at an overlong two hours — López’s film becomes dull and plodding.

 

Alex Claremont-Diaz (Taylor Zakhar Perez), son of U.S. President Ellen Claremont (Uma Thurman), has long nurtured a grudge against Prince Henry (Nicholas Galitzine), younger brother of the future king of England. Alex nonetheless is sent to represent the States when Henry’s brother, Philip (Thomas Flynn), gets married.

 

The subsequent reception is highlighted by a £75,000 cake that stands taller than the White House Christmas tree. When Alex and Henry begin squabbling like a pair of 5-year-olds, we just know that cake is coming down. On top of them.

 

(This may have played in McQuiston’s book, but — as visualized — it’s a wincing display of wretched excess.)

 

The resulting media circus throws a spanner into President Claremonth’s re-election campaign, and her ongoing negotiations with the British Prime Minister (Sharon D. Clarke). In order to quell what could blossom into a diplomatic crisis, both families force Alex and Henry to feign friendship during a series of interviews and photo ops. (No hostility here, folks!)