Friday, August 18, 2023

Heart of Stone: Sinks just like one

Heart of Stone (2023) • View trailer
2.5 stars (out of five). Rated PG-13, for action violence and brief profanity
Available via: Netflix

An original thought would die of loneliness in this film’s derivative script.

 

Gal Gadot can’t be blamed for wanting to strike while her star wattage is bright, but she should choose her projects more carefully. 

 

The calm before the storm: This seasoned MI6 team — from left, Bailey (Paul Ready),
Rachel (Gal Gadot), Parker (Jamie Dornan) and Yang (Jing Lusi) — will encounter
serious trouble after arriving in Lisbon.


I’ve also long been wary of poor title credits, as it’s almost always a sign of equally bad things to come … and this film has truly terrible opening credits.

In fairness, it’s not the worst way to spend two hours, for undiscriminating fans of kick-ass spyjinks. But scripters Greg Rucka and Allison Schroeder begged, borrowed or stole everything here from superior predecessors … and director Tom Harper’s over-reliance on sub-par CGI doesn’t help.

 

Gadot stars as Rachel Stone, the “mousy” tech member of an MI6 team that includes experienced agents Parker (Jamie Dornan), Yang (Jing Lusi) and Bailey (Paul Ready). They’re introduced during a mission taking place at a ski resort atop a mountain in Italy’s Alpin Arena Senales, tasked with “extracting” Mulvaney (Enzo Cilenti), “Europe’s most wanted arms dealer,” who has surfaced for the first time in three years.

 

Careful planning goes slightly awry, so Rachel is forced to improvise in the field — much to her colleagues’ concern — by getting close enough to clone a baddie’s cell phone. Then things really go wrong, due to the intervention of a mysterious young woman (Alia Bhatt) who is following a different agenda.

 

Rachel therefore is forced to display her true talents as a seasoned member of The Charter, code-named Nine of Hearts: a hyper-capable agent embedded in this team without the knowledge of anybody in MI6. She saves the day — while taking care not to be seen doing so, by her three colleagues — thanks to off-site assistance by Jack of Hearts (Matthias Schweighöfer) and “The Heart,” an immersive, quantum computer AI interface capable of split-second judgment calls based on the highest probability of success.

 

Think Waze or any other satellite navigation system on steroids, able to alert Rachel to human hazards, in addition to feeding her geographical telemetry via special goggles. Suddenly need a snow bike or parachute? The Heart will guide Rachel appropriately.

 

The Charter, divided into four teams code-named for the 52 cards in a deck, is an off-books organization whose agents clandestinely step in “where governments fail.” (That’s a phrase we’ve heard before.)

 

The fact that Rachel has concealed her actual talents for four years — particularly from Parker, Yang and Bailey — seems a bit of a stretch, but we gotta roll with it. The greater good is paramount, as the King of Hearts (Sophie Okonedo) stiffly informs Rachel, during a subsequent de-briefing (a lecture we’ve also heard many times before).

 

Trouble is, Rachel is a creature of instincts that she’s often tempted to rely upon, rather than robotically following The Heart’s percentages. Needless to say, those instincts will prove crucial, when The Charter’s actual enemy reveals its goal.

 

Turns out the “mysterious woman” is Keya, a talented hacker working alongside a shadowy somebody determined to steal The Heart and exploit its ability to monitor, invade and affect anything, anywhere. (If this sounds exactly like the über-threat in last month’s Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One, that probably has less to do with deliberate imitation, and more likely is a function of the AI paranoia on everybody’s mind these days).

 

Funny thing, though … despite The Heart’s reputation as all-seeing and all-knowing, it’s rather odd that it somehow overlooked the identity of Keya’s partner. (Better writers call this “convenient contrivance.”)

 

Keya and her colleagues do get their hands on The Heart’s cylindrical heart, fueling globe-trotting skirmishes in London, Lisbon, Senegal’s Lompoul Desert, and Iceland’s Nesjavellir and Reykjavik. The Lisbon visit is the best, with a slam-bang vehicular chase that’s well orchestrated by Harper and editor Mark Eckersley. Unlike all the other action sequences, this one feels slightly real-world.

 

When confronted elsewhere by so much CGI nonsense — grounded only slightly by Gadot’s grim expressions, pained grimaces and frenzied agitation — I have even greater respect for filmmakers who insist on actual stunt work (a nod in your direction, Mr. Cruise).

 

Gadot obviously spent a lot of time in front of a blue screen. I’m getting tired of melees that involve plummeting from a great height onto a moving something — in this case, the massive dirigible-thing that houses The Heart — while surviving falls and getting knocked asunder by explosions that clearly would pulp a human body.

 

Gadot’s co-stars are capable, doing their best with Rucka and Schroeder’s thin efforts at characterization. Ready’s Bailey is the only one with a home life; he dotes on his cat and his niece. Dornan’s Parker is suave, and has long crushed on Rachel (an overture she has ignored); Lusi’s Yang is an impulsive free spirit.

 

Jon Kortajarena is memorably ruthless as The Blond, the unstoppably lethal “top thug.”

 

Bhatt stands out, because Keya is the sole character with a substantial emotional arc. She’s young and naïve, believing that her partner acts from a place of nobility, when in fact that individual is carrying the world’s largest chip on both shoulders. Revenge is one thing, but this becomes absurd. Keya slides from idealistic to confused, then conflicted, and Bhatt sells this shift.

 

Schweighöfer also does well, giving Jack personality and a sense of humor, and animating this tech guru to a degree most of the other characters lack.

 

Okonedo phones in her dismissive person-in-charge role; Glenn Close, BD Wong and Mark Ivanir are wasted in their fleeting appearances as the Kings of Diamonds, Clubs and Spades.

 

Rucka and Schroeder deserve credit for the eyebrow-lifting switcheroo that concludes the first act, but the rest of their narrative is pure formula. It’s hard (impossible?) to build suspense when the outcome is so obvious and predictable.


Although this action entry clearly is designed to kick-start a franchise, there’s very little chance of that happening, given this pallid effort.

 

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