Play Dirty: Should be dirtier

Play Dirty (2025) • View trailer

Three stars (out of five). Rated R, for strong violence, relentless profanity and mild nudity

Available via: Amazon Prime

By Derrick Bang

Although director/co-scripter Shane Black gets credit for momentum and audacity, this overcooked crime thriller frequently borders on ridiculous: not quite a cartoon, but darn close at times.

 

Ed (Keegan-Michael Key) pulls up a schematic, to explain a key part of the plan, while
his comrades — from left, Brenda (Claire Lovering), Zen (Rosa Salazar), Grofield
(LaKeith Stanfield) and Parker (Mark Wahlberg) — listen attentively.

A disciplinarian with a ruler also would have been handy, to cut back on the relentless barrage of F-bombs.

Given that this film’s script is based on the “Parker” book series by Donald E. Westlake, we can blame Black, along with co-writers Charles Mondry and Anthony Bagarozzi, for the often silly results here. They’d have done much better by adapting a specific novel.

 

A bit of history:

 

Parker — we never learn his first name — starred in 24 novels by Westlake, writing under the pseudonym Richard Stark: from 1962’s The Hunter to 2008’s Dirty Money. Parker is an amoral and coldly ruthless career criminal: fond of huge scores, and prone to being betrayed by a colleague, thereby setting up a vengeance sub-plot.

 

He has been a popular character in cinema practically from the beginning: played by Lee Marvin (1967’s weirdly existential Point Blank), Jim Brown (1968’s The Split), Robert Duvall (The Outfit), Peter Coyote (1983’s Slayground), Mel Gibson (1999’s Payback) and Jason Statham (2013’s Parker).

 

Now Mark Wahlberg has taken the mantle, and — in fairness — he makes a good Parker. Wahlberg displays the appropriate level of grim callousness, and is credibly physical during skirmishes. He also quotes a portion of Parker’s “code” at one point, elaborating that he prefers to avoid killing people: not out of morality, but because murder invites increased attention from the police.

 

The film opens midway through a heist of the vault at Meadowview Downs Racetrack: a caper that goes south due to an unexpected interruption. The subsequent eye-rolling vehicular chase along the track, amid a race, clearly didn’t involve actual horses, and is an early indication of Black’s tendency toward wretched excess.

 

The sequence also is rather tasteless.

 

Having recovered the score, Parker and his team return to their base, in order to split the proceeds ... at which point the sexy Zen (Rosa Salazar) abruptly pulls out a gun. Parker escapes, although badly wounded. After being nursed back to fighting health — apparently in no time at all! — he sets about finding Zen.

 

Flamin' Hot: Style and sizzle

Flamin' Hot (2023) • View trailer

3.5 stars (out of five). Rated PG-13, for brief profanity and fleeting drug use

Available via: Disney+ and Hulu

By Derrick Bang • Published in The Davis Enterprise, 6.9.23

I know what you’re thinking:

 

An entire feature film, focused solely on the creation of a snack food? Could this be anything but a 99-minute valentine to PepsiCo/Frito-Lay?

 

Judy (Annie Gonzalez), Richard (Jesse Garcia) and their elder son Lucky (Hunter Jones)
watch suspensefully, as younger son Steven (Brice Gonzalez) carefully tastes the
family's newest effort at an acceptably spicy Cheeto.

Actually … yes.

Thanks to director Eva Longoria’s enthusiastic approach, Lewis Colick and Linda Yvette Chávez’s cheeky script, and an always endearing performance by star Jesse Garcia, this fast-paced, rags-to-riches saga is quite entertaining: an inspirational, modern-day Horatio Alger story come to life.

 

On the other hand, the film’s claim to be a “true story” — as the press notes insist —should be taken with a raised eyebrow.

 

To quote the oft-repeated phrase from John Ford’s The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence, “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” Longoria and her writers clearly embraced that notion (about which, we’ll chat more in a bit).

 

Richard Montañez (Garcia) narrates his life-story, in amiable conversational voice-over, from a current-day vantage point. One of a multitude of children born into a Mexican American enclave in Southern California’s unincorporated community of Guasti, he grows up surrounded by the East Los Angeles vineyards where his family and their friends toil in those fields.

 

He also confronts institutional racism at an early age (played here by Carlos S. Sanchez), both in grade school and elsewhere. He meets Judy (Jayde Martinez), who shares his heritage; they become “two against the world.”

 

Flash-forward several years. Richard (now Garcia) has joined local gang-bangers led by longtime best friend Tony (Bobby Soto). Although a life in and out of prison seems inevitable, Richard’s devotion to Judy (now played by Annie Gonzalez) — they soon have two young sons — and a compassionate judge grant one last chance.

 

Better still, Tony — who also has “gone straight,” with a menial job at Frito-Lay — puts in a good word. During Richard’s subsequent interview, floor manager Lonny Mason (Matt Walsh) — despite quickly spotting the young man’s fabricated résumé — reluctantly hires him as a general utility machine operator (i.e. janitor). Richard promises to show grit, determination and a never-quit, can-do spirit.

 

On top of which, he comes armed with the magical powers of authentic Mexican food.

 

The latter comes in handy when Richard seeks guidance from longtime production engineer Clarence C. Baker (Dennis Haysbert). This disgruntled company veteran initially is suspicious of the young man’s enthusiasm, having spent years training people who then were promoted over him … likely for similarly racist reasons.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: A disappointing shellacking

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) • View trailer 
2.5 stars. Rated PG-13, and rather harshly, for sci-fi action and violence
By Derrick Bang

I’m not persuaded the world wanted — or needed — another big-screen adaptation of this trés bizarre comic book franchise, but we critics must play the hands we’re dealt.

Having been taken to the underground lair populated by New York's rather odd vigilante
heroes, April (Megan Fox) hears their origin story from Splinter (foreground, seated) while
the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles — from left, Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo and
Michelangelo — listen attentively.

While director Jonathan Liebesman’s film is a hot gonzo mess, it does benefit from giddy pacing, wacky humor and a couple of ambitious action sequences. So, yes, young viewers will have a good time, but their older companions probably will find these proceedings too weird, too dumb, and much too disorganized.

Nor does it help that the film’s primary human star, Megan Fox, still can’t act a lick.

From a purely sociological standpoint, this film demonstrates a fascinating phenomenon: the intangible nature of credibility. Avid fans who wholly embrace the frivolous sci-fi nuttiness of, say, Guardians of theGalaxy, nonetheless will be hard-pressed to forgive Liebesman’s take on the Ninja Turtles. It’s not just the concept; both properties exist in equally impossible realms, and require a massive suspension of disbelief.

It comes down to tone and execution. Liebesman’s film is sloppy, its script — credited to Josh Appelbaum, André Nemec and Evan Daugherty — clumsy and inconsistent. The core premise is an eyebrow-raiser to begin with, but then the villains, and their scheme for world domination, are just lunatic. The narrative is slapdash, details introduced or abandoned at whim.

Original creators Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman did a far better job with their comic books, back in the 1980s.

Anyway...

In a New York apparently bereft of Superman, the Avengers or any of the other run-of-the-mill champions, an über-violent army of thugs known as the Foot Clan have terrorized the city for months. Nobody seems able to stop them; even the police are helpless, with “protection” having been outsourced (?!) to a private company headed by billionaire industrialist Eric Sacks (William Fichtner).

I dunno ... if helpless citizens are being assaulted, kidnapped and killed as shown here, it seems like the NYPD might rally a bit, perhaps even request assistance from the National Guard or some other federal strike force. Doncha think?

Pain & Gain: A brawny farce

Pain & Gain (2013) • View trailer 
Four stars. Rating: R, for strong violence, gore, profanity, nudity, crude sexual content and drug use
By Derrick Bang • Originally published in The Davis Enterprise, 4.26.13

Truth really is stranger than fiction.

And sometimes quite a bit more deranged.

Having finally kidnapped Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub, center) after several bumbling
failures, Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg, right) orders the wealthy businessman to start
signing over his assets, while a nervous Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson) hopes that
things won't spiral out of control. That turns out to be a vain hope...

In late 1994, a group of bodybuilders based at Miami’s Sun Gym went on a crime, kidnapping, torture and murder spree that was both audacious and utterly beyond belief. Because the gang didn’t collectively share enough brain cells to pass third grade, they were, of course, eventually caught ... thus proving another old adage: We can be grateful that most criminals are so bone-stupid.

The whole gory mess — and I do mean gory — eventually landed in court in early 1998, resulting in the most expensive criminal trial in Dade County history. The case was covered for the Miami New Times by journalist Pete Collins, who also scoured court documents and investigative reports, and interviewed the principal characters, for an extensive three-part series that ran in late December 1999 and early January 2000.

The story is readily available at the New Times website, and makes a jaw-dropping read. Check it out, and I’ll wait for you to get back.

All set? Eyebrows raised to a degree you wouldn’t have thought possible?

Moving on, then...

Director Michael Bay and scripters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely have transformed this vicious circus into a hilariously warped dark comedy that signals its intentions with an opening on-screen crawl that reads: “The following story is based on actual events. Unfortunately.”

Yes, several characters and events have been excised for the sake of expediency, and a 10-minute chase toward the end is pure Hollywood nonsense. But the salient details, and the major players, are 100 percent authentic. Unfortunately.

The farcical tone isn’t merely perfect for the material; it’s also a necessary self-defense mechanism, particularly when third-act events stray into the wood-chipper territory of 1996’s Fargo. As these meat-headed lunatics become ever more desperate, this increasingly grim saga remains palatable only because stars Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson and Anthony Mackie are so deliciously, delightfully dumb.

Some viewers will find this tone quite tasteless — making fun of brutal psychopaths, no matter how stupid they are — particularly in the wake of recent events in Boston and Sandy Hook. And several of the actual people victimized by the gang are particularly incensed that their ordeal has been transformed into a jocular burlesque.

Honestly, I’m sympathetic to that view; quite a few of my chuckles were followed by wincing pangs of guilt. But I can’t help admiring the outcome; Bay has delivered an indictment of modern, American-style violence that — to me, at least — makes a much stronger (and far more entertaining) social statement than Oliver Stone’s Natural Born Killers.