2.5 stars. Rated PG-13, for relentless sci-fi violence and gunplay, partial nudity and fleeting profanity
By Derrick Bang • Originally published in The Davis Enterprise, 7.3.15
Not since the original five-cycle Planet of the Apes films, between 1968 and ’73, has a franchise attempted to
cycle itself so intricately. Terminator scripters Laeta Kalogridis and
Patrick Lussier deserve credit for an ambitious attempt here, tackling multiple
time periods — and alternate timeline realities — in an effort to slot this
newest entry into What Has Gone Before, while also (more or less) re-telling
the whole wild ’n’ crazy story from the beginning.
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| Surrounded by an impressive cache of military weaponry they'll never get to use, our heroes — from left, Sarah (Emilia Clarke), "Pops" (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Kyle (Jai Courtney) — concoct a half-baked scheme to destroy an evil master computer complex before it can wreak havoc on the entire world. |
Sadly — and as often is the case,
with sloppy time travel sagas — things get so convoluted that the result
becomes confusing and, ultimately, pointless. The situation clearly has gotten
out of hand when characters spend the entire third act explaining each new
twist to each other (and, by extension, to us). Rarely has a film indulged in
so much blatant, tedious said-bookism.
Part of the problem is the
labyrinthine degree to which this franchise has been expanded (often not for
the better) by outside parties, most notably extended story arcs by six
different comic book publishers, dating back to 1988. No single new film could
satisfy a mythos that has grown so convoluted.
On top of which, director Alan
Taylor has absolutely no sense of pacing. He simply yanks his cast from one deafening
CGI action scene to the next, with no attempt to build suspense or inject any
sense of actual drama. The result is massive, messy and noisy: a 125-minute
cartoon that has none of the heart — or intelligence — that made director James
Cameron’s first two films so memorable, back in 1984 and ’91.
This is simply a pinball machine,
with its little spheres — our heroes — whacked and bounced from one crazed
menace to another, somehow (miraculously!) surviving each encounter, physical
laws and human frailty be damned.
That said, this new big-screen Terminator chapter
— the fifth — does have one secret weapon: the same bright, shining star who
also highlighted Cameron’s entries: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Far from the
over-the-hill relic that many fans may have feared, the big guy owns this film.
He’s well employed, granted some droll one-liners and sight gags, and has solid
camera presence.
On top of which, Kalogridis and
Lussier come up with a genuinely clever explanation for why Schwarzenegger’s
good-guy T-800 android has aged so much, since its first appearance in 1991.
So ... take a deep breath, and
pay attention. Ready?
