Machete: Slice 'n' Dice

Machete (2010) • View trailer for Machete
Three stars (out of five). Rated R for violence, profanity, nudity and gallons o' grue
By Derrick Bang • Originally published in the The Davis Enterprise, 09.10.10

Best exploitative trash I've seen in years. 

And very difficult to select a favorite moment. 

Robert De Niro, slumming even more than usual, given all the low-rent roles he has taken during the past several years? Cheech Marin, with a novel means of doing the Lord's work? Michelle Rodriguez, finally landing the part for which her sneering, bad-ass self was born? 

Lindsey Lohan, living down to her inner slut?

Maybe not that last one. 

For sheer brazen temerity, however, I've gotta nominate co-scripter and co-director Robert Rodriguez, for having the cajones to lace this cheerfully preposterous devil's brew with a cheeky political subtext. I mean, really: eviscerated limbs, severed heads and naked babes ... in a message movie? 

You gotta be impressed. 

Eventually, it all comes down to this: Machete (Danny Trejo,
foreground left) and his huge knife versus Torrez (Steven Segal) and
his two razor-sharp ninja blades. Conveniently, scores of other
gun-toting heroes and baddies stop shooting each other, in order
to watch the fight.

The back-story on Machete is almost as hilariously warped as the film itself. When Rodriguez teamed with fellow bad boy Quentin Tarantino for 2007's Grindhouse, the notion was to create the equivalent of a 1970s double-feature of sleaze. To that end, the two "main features" were separated by fictitious — and equally tasteless — coming attractions. One of those faux flicks was Machete, starring Danny Trejo, Rodriguez's favorite craggy, oversized force of nature. 

So here we are, a few years later, and Rodriguez has made good on the promise ... by concocting a film based on a preview for a film that didn't exist at the time. 

Now, that's what I call tweaking the system.