2.5 stars. Rated PG-13, for sci-fi action/violence and mild sensuality
By Derrick Bang
Anybody in doubt about the
crucial important of acting chops, need look no further than this misfired
spectacular.
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| Despite having completed their assignment on the desert planet Kirian, Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne) aren't safe yet; the criminal marketeer they robbed has just sent a giant beastie after them, propelled by the command "Fetch!" |
Director/scripter Luc Besson has
helmed a visually opulent adaptation of the famed French sci-fi comic book
series by writer Pierre Christin and artist Jean-Claude Mézières, which enjoyed
a stunning run from 1967 through 2010 (and has been collected in 21 graphic
novels and a short story collection, for anybody wishing to catch up). The
narrative is based mostly on the sixth book, Ambassadors of the Shadows.
The film certainly looks fabulous, thanks to a
worlds-building blend of Hugues Tissandier’s production design, Scott Stokdyk’s
visual effects team, and Avatar-style
motion capture creatures. The core plot is solid, with thoughtful messages
about inclusiveness, environmental concerns, forgiveness and the unintended
consequences of war.
Casting the heroic
spatio-temporal agent Valerian, and his plucky, quick-witted companion
Laureline, should have been a sacred mission on par with the careful selection
of each new James Bond. The title role demands somebody with the grit, smug charm
and hard-charging recklessness of Harrison Ford’s Han Solo or — to borrow from
Besson’s own oeuvre — Bruce Willis’
Korben Dallas, in 1997’s The Fifth
Element.
Besson didn’t even get close this
time.
I’m sure Dane DeHaan is a nice
fellow: kind to animals and dutiful about texting his mother at least once a
day. But he’s no actor. He’s stiff as a board throughout this lengthy disappointment,
has no facility with dialog, and couldn’t deliver a quip if his life depended
on it. He’s a veritable black hole, sucking all life from the film.
Most damning, because he is so clumsy with the flirty banter that
typifies the relationship between Valerian and Laureline, DeHaan turns his
character into an obnoxious pain in the ass. He doesn’t merely drag the film
down; he brings it to a grinding halt. I kept hoping that one of the oversize
beasties in this colorful saga would swallow him whole.
DeHaan may be remembered as the
beleaguered young protagonist in the loathsome A Cure for Wellness, unleashed earlier this year. He was quite
bad in that as well, but it mattered less, because the film — as a whole — was
such an unmitigated disaster.
Valerian had the potential for greatness. Several
problems prevented that, and DeHaan’s laughably awful performance tops the
list.
