This isn’t a movie; it’s a string of crude and violent blackout sketches laced with relentless profanity and vulgar one-liners, loosely stitched to a so-called plot that’s dog-nuts even by superhero movie standards.
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| Having penetrated the Big Bad's weird lair in this aggressively deranged flick, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman, left) and Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) realize that they may be in over their heads... |
Let’s call it a triumph of crass commercialism, while acknowledging that mainstream viewers — and even fans of the “conventional” Marvel superhero films — are advised to steer very, very clear.
This gleefully atrocious burlesque wears “Tasteless” like a badge of honor. But if the wretched excess is removed — to quote Gertrude Stein — there is no there there. After the introductory title credits orgy of slashed throats, impalements, severed limbs, decapitations, gouts of blood, and relentless F-bombs, the realization that the entire film will continue in this manner, isn’t merely disheartening.
It’s boring. Truly.
The primary running joke concerns the constant squabbling and fighting between Deadpool and Wolverine, because — since both have regenerative powers — neither can be killed. Cue all manner of shooting, stabbing and bone-breaking mayhem.
Mildly funny the first time. Not on constant repeat.
Director Shawn Levy and his four co-scripters deserve mild credit for archly breaking the fourth wall and elevating meta to new heights, with foul-mouthed Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) taking cheeky real-world jabs at Disney, 20th Century Fox and all manner of pop-culture entities. It’s like a Simpsons episode on speed, and when the snarky asides and Easter Eggs arrive with such rat-a-tat intensity, some of them are bound to land. And yes, a few do.
But that’s pretty thin gruel, given the vehicle driving this nonsense.
So: The “plot,” such as it is. Fasten your seatbelts; it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
Wade Wilson, aka Deadpool, has been trying to go straight — as a car salesman — since his previous adventures in 2018’s Deadpool 2. This effort goes awry when he’s snatched from his life on Earth 10005 by Mr. Paradox (Matthew Macfadyen), a bureaucratic agent of the Time Variance Authority (TVA), responsible for monitoring all temporal law in the Marvel Comics Universe.
(Yes, this is a multiverse mash-up.)
Paradox explains that, because of Wolverine’s noble self-sacrifice in 2017’s Logan, the entire Earth 10005 timeline is slowly decaying. And because monitoring for those final thousand years would be too much of a chore, Paradox wants to destroy it quickly, with a not-quite-finished Time Ripper device.
By way of compensating Wade for this pending loss, Paradox offers to send him to Earth 616, where he’ll be able to fulfill his greatest ambition, by joining The Avengers. But because, deep down — despite his boorish behavior — Wade genuinely has a heart, he doesn’t want his universe destroyed. He therefore snatches a multiverse traveling device, in order to search for a replacement Wolverine.
Cue an amusing montage of wholly unsuitable alternate Wolverines.
Deadpool finally finds one. (And isn’t it clever, how this script manages to bring Hugh Jackman back into the fold? Because, in true comic book fashion, superheroes never truly die.) Alas, both get punished for this effort, when Paradox banishes them to The Void, a sort of multiverse scrap heap.
The only way back involves somehow making a deal with this realm’s cruel ruler, the malevolent and awesomely powerful Cassandra Nova (Emma Corrin, so memorable as Princess Diana, in TV’s The Crown). She’s gifted with telekinesis, bio-phasing and truly ookie telepathic powers, achieved by sticking her fingers into somebody’s skull. And yes, of course that hurts.
That ultimately means a battle royale, which resurrects numerous long-unseen and (sometimes) failed big-screen incarnations of various Marvel characters. The good guys, fighting alongside Deadpool and Wolverine, include:
• Laura, aka X-23 (Dafne Keen), last seen in Logan, and blessed with his powers;
• Blade (Wesley Snipes), the way-cool vampire hunter not seen since the last of his three films, in 2004;
• Gambit (Channing Tatum), the “Ragin’ Cajun” with deadly, energy-charged playing cards, at long last debuting after his planned origin film was canceled in 2019; and
• Elektra (Jennifer Garner, a bit long in the tooth for this nonsense), the sai-wielding assassin originally partnered with Daredevil, and last seen in her own 2005 film.
The funniest in-joke concerns the unexpected appearance of an uncostumed Chris Evans, who Deadpool naturally assumes to be Captain America ... but no, Evans actually pops up as an earlier MCU character he played back in 2005 and ’07.
Cassandra’s baddies mostly emanate from various X-Men films: Sabretooth (Tyler Mane), Pyro (Aaron Stanford), Lady Deathstrike (Kelly Hu), Juggernaut (Aaron W Reed), Azazel (Jason Flemyng) and Toad (Daniel Medina Ramos). Übergeeks also might recognize Blob, Shatterstar and a few others.
Oh, and mention must be made of a canine named Peggy, who plays Dogpool (don’t ask), who possesses the world’s longest and slurpiest tongue.
Credit where due: Reynolds has fun with Deadpool’s motor-mouth jabbering, and constant editorializing. Jackman puts heartfelt angst into a few scenes, which — because of their actual pathos — seem to have wandered in from a different film. Corrin is a truly scary villain, and Macfadyen excels as the stuffy, heartless Paradox.
Additional credit where due: Portions of Ray Chan’s production design are awesome, notably within The Void, and most particularly concerning Cassandra’s rather unusual lair.
Rob Simonsen’s bombastic score is supplemented by pop tunes placed for hilarious ironic counterpoint, including The Platters’ “Only You,” Huey Lewis’ “The Power of Love,” Madonna’s “Like a Prayer,” and the Olivia Newton-John/John Travolta pairing on “You’re the One That I Want.”
Along with Hugh Jackman’s “The Greatest Show,” from 2017’s The Greatest Showman. (These merry anarchists didn’t miss a trick.)
The gratuitously violent bloodletting aside — a few characters come to really nasty ends — this film’s primary function is to constantly mock the entire superhero franchise, as cynically and sarcastically as possible. That may delight a subset of fans, but most of the inside jokes will be lost on mainstream viewers who wander into this debacle by mistake.
Is this entertaining? Marginally. Worth your time and money?
Definitely not.
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