Back in the golden age of Universal Studios monster movies, when one character’s popularity began to wane, he’d be set against another.
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| Although completely dwarfed by the massive Kong, Jia (Kaylee Hottle) isn't the slightest bit afraid of him; indeed, she and the mighty ape share a special bond. |
And when Universal got really desperate, their monsters became shameful comedic foils for Abbott and Costello.
Despite being silly, pratfall-laden spoofs, even they were far more entertaining than this noisy, landscape-leveling dust-up between Godzilla and Kong (this revived franchise apparently having dropped the “King” from the latter).
In fairness, director Adam Wingard’s monster mash — available via HBO Max, and at operational movie theaters — is somewhat better than 2019’s thoroughly deplorable Godzilla, King of the Monsters (although, yes, that’s damning with faint praise). Wingard and editor Josh Schaeffer move this entry along more efficiently — at least until the interminable third act — and the CGI animators get a welcome level of emotional depth from Kong.
But the major problem, as before, is the script: a sloppily assembled, seemingly random collection of set-pieces populated by — for the most part — stiff-as-a-board characters too vacuous to be regarded as even one-dimensional. (A few exceptions stand out, and I’ll get to them in a moment.)
This (ahem) Frankenstein’s monster of a story is credited to Eric Pearson, Terry Rossio, Michael Dougherty, Zach Shields and Max Borenstein, the latter three responsible for writing the aforementioned Godzilla, King of the Monsters. So I guess we can credit Pearson and Rossio with this new film’s slight improvement.
Matters begin well, with Kong safely — but unhappily — housed in a huge biodome located on Skull Island (presumably cleared of all the other huge and nasty beasts we met in 2017’s Kong: Skull Island, by far the best of these films). He has bonded with Jia (Kaylee Hottle), a young, deaf/mute orphan whom the mighty ape both trusts and — to a degree — obeys, via their shared sign language. This relationship is the film’s strongest note, due to the nuanced sensitivity of Hottle’s performance; she immediately wins our hearts and minds.
Jia shares a similarly loving and caring bond with her adoptive mother, Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall), an anthropological linguist attached to Monarch, the world government’s crypto-zoological agency dedicated to the study of “Titans” such as Kong. Hottle and Hall work well together; it’s a shame they’re not granted larger roles. Like, in place of everybody else in the film.
Pay attention now; things get murky…
Monarch also has been tracking Godzilla, who has been acting … well … increasingly grouchy. After having defended mankind from Mothra, Rodan, three-headed Ghidorah and a couple dozen other Titans in the previous film, the Big G has once again turned irritable. The reason? He senses the presence of Kong, and — in his lizard brain— Godzilla believes there’s room for only one alpha Titan on Earth.
The solution — the only way to save Kong, who (it’s feared) would lose such a battle — is to deliver the mighty ape to the one place he might be able to thrive: his supposed original home in the fabled “Hollow Earth” thought to exist miles beneath our planet’s surface. Coordinating this difficult transportation challenge — in the hopes that Godzilla won’t notice — falls to Dr. Nathan Lind (Alexander Skarsgård), Monarch’s chief geologist and subterranean cartographer.
Coincidentally, APEX Industries — a tech company taking the lead in rebuilding the world, following the previous film’s carnage — also is interested in this mission, having identified a mysterious energy source emanating from the Hollow Earth. APEX CEO Walter Simmons (Demián Bichir) hopes that this energy source will further his corporation’s effort to develop a means to protect the world from Titans.
Simmons therefore adds his daughter, Maia (Eiza González), to Lind’s team.
As an early sign of Wingard’s clumsy handling of actors, Bichir and González don’t even try to pretend that Walter and Maia aren’t villains. González, in particular, does little but drop snarky remarks every so often; her character is completely useless.
Elsewhere, Madison Russell (Millie Bobby Brown) has maintained her faith in Godzilla. Since Kyle Chandler reappears only fleetingly as her father, her new companion is best friend Josh Valentine (Julian Dennison), a flustered, nerd hacker who reluctantly follows in Madison’s monster-hunting footsteps.
They’re soon joined by Bernie Hayes (Brain Tyree Henry), a disaffected APEX engineer who moonlights as an underground podcaster-cum-conspiracy theorist. He feeds Madison’s mounting suspicion that APEX might have something to do with Godzilla’s mood swings.
Ergo, on the one side we have Team Kong — Nathan, Ilene and Jia — and on the other side Team Godzilla: Madison, Josh and Bernie.
Brown must’ve been contractually guaranteed second billing — behind only Skarsgård — because she sure as hell doesn’t earn it. Aside from some mildly amusing banter with Josh, Madison spends most of the film Looking Earnest. Brown doesn’t approach anywhere near the emotional complexity that she brought to Madison in the previous film.
Shun Oguri and Lance Reddick pop up as, respectively, Ren Serizawa, son of Monarch legend Dr. Ishiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe, who perished in the previous film); and an upper-echelon military guy named Guillermin. Neither character amounts to anything.
Alas, Lind’s initial attempt to move Kong — via aircraft carrier — does not go unnoticed by Godzilla. This prompts an ocean-based skirmish that is the film’s best action sequence, thanks to clever staging and (very important) brevity. This first fight doesn’t wear out its welcome.
This contrasts with the third act’s protracted battle royale, which completely destroys Hong Kong (as unintentionally timely and sadly ironic a metaphor as could be imagined, given current real world events). It goes on and on and on and on, and even includes a “surprise” party crasher. Aside from being boring and tedious, we’re apparently supposed to overlook the thousands of people who are perishing during this fracas (not that even a trace of such human misery is shown on screen, because that would spoil the fun … right?).
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this so-called film is, once again, little more than coldly calculated product designed — by virtue of the ill-advised marriage between Warner Bros. (U.S.) and the Wanda Group’s Legendary Entertainment (China) — to offend nobody on either side of the globe. Almost all of these international co-productions have been soulless, tumultuous, lowest-common-denominator rubbish; this one is no different.
(Granted, American filmmakers can do just as badly on their own; one need look no further than director Michael Bay’s insufferable Transformers flicks.)
I’m sure we’ve not seen the last of Godzilla or Kong, but one can hope their futures are controlled by more talented hands.
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