Two stars. Rated R, for nudity, crude sexual content, drug use and relentless profanity
By Derrick Bang • Originally published in The Davis Enterprise, 7.8.16
Strip the profanity away, and the
rest of this script could be printed on a postage stamp.
Indeed, it’s rather audacious of
Andrew Jay Cohen and Brendan O’Brien to claim credit for writing this flimsy
excuse for a screenplay; most of what landed on the screen seems to be
improvised. On the spot. While everybody in question was under the influence of
intelligence-altering substances.
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| After realizing that their "respectable" dates are anything but, Dave (Zac Efron, far right) and Mike (Adam Devine) agree to a truce with Tatiana (Aubrey Plaza, far left) and Alice (Anna Kendrick). Whether this quartet can repair two days' worth of damage, however, is an entirely different matter... |
The oh-so-hilarious (not!) “outtakes”
included, during the end credits, certainly suggest as much.
Sadly — for those of us forced to
endure the results — these folks are far, far removed from the likes of
lightning-quick improv talents. Sputtering and flailing through a relentless
stream of F-bombs and vulgar euphemisms is hardly the height of comedy; it
simply smacks of clueless desperation. It’s actually rather painful,
particularly when we know full well that these actors are capable of much
better.
In fairness, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates is occasionally funny, in spite of
itself. And it’s rescued from total turkeydom by the effervescent work of Anna
Kendrick, who repeatedly rises above the thin material. She puts some actual ability
and effort into her performance, in stark contrast to all the others, who
mostly swan about and pose for the camera, like 10-year-old show-offs.
Honestly, it’s surprising they
don’t all scream “Look at me! Look at me!”
The story, such as it is:
Hard-partying brothers Mike and
Dave Stangle (Adam Devine and Zac Efron) have ruined too many previous family
gatherings, mostly because they always come stag, get drunk and try to pick up
available women. Thus, when younger sister Jeanie (Sugar Lyn Beard) announces
her impending dream wedding in Hawaii, their parents (Stephen Root and
Stephanie Faracy) lay down fresh ground rules: Mike and Dave can attend only if
they bring dates. Respectable dates.
The theory being, well-behaved
companions will keep the boys in line.
Not having the faintest idea how
to find such women, Mike and Dave resort to the go-to 21st solution: They
advertise on Craigslist. (This much actually happened, in real life, in
February 2013; check YouTube to see the actual Stangle brothers being
interviewed.)
The ad goes viral, eventually
catching the attention of Alice (Kendrick) and Tatiana (Aubrey Plaza), a pair
of dim-bulb, potty-mouthed, habitually wasted skanks with an unjustified sense
of entitlement. They also dress like homeless derelicts, so when the relevant
portion of the boys’ ad penetrates their hazed minds — Hawaiian vacation! — the
gals “clean up” in the only way possible, by stealing a bunch of nice clothes.
And bathing.
Mike and Dave, meanwhile, are
having no luck with their date interviews, during a reasonably funny montage
that involves weird women, paranoid women, militant women, giggling women and a
host of others. The newly transformed Tatiana and Alice therefore are a breath
of fresh air, the former in her guise as a school teacher, the latter with a career
in “hedge funds.”
Presto: Mike and Dave have dates.
The ruse works, if only briefly.
Jeanie bonds with her new gal pals, because they’re so much more fun than her overbearing, anal-retentive maid of
honor, Becky (Mary Holland). Even Jeanie’s fiancé, Eric (Sam Richardson), seems
satisfied.
But it doesn’t take long for
Tatiana and Alice to shed their thin veneer of respectability; the irony is
that these increased glimpses of their actual selves shocks ... shocks ... shocks Mike and Dave, who’ve rilly,
rilly been trying to behave. Subsequent mishaps involve ATVs, horses, Ecstasy,
lots of alcohol, a particularly intimate massage — a small but well-played bit
by Kumail Nanjiani, as the masseur — and Mike’s ongoing conflict with his
competitive cousin Terry (Alice Wutterland), an aggressive lesbian who finds
Tatiana yummy.
Which rather buzz-kills Mike’s
similar desires.
Some of the contrivances and
sight gags work; others fall flat. The aforementioned massage session is
hilarious; pretty much everything concerning Terry feels forced and desperate,
and her final scenes, at the end, are the epitome of clumsy writing and acting.
Actually, the latter term is
inappropriate. Plaza, Efron and particularly Devine deliver the modern
equivalent of Three Stooges mugging, often flapping their arms like ungainly
birds attempting a take-off. I can’t imagine what director Jake Szymanski did
each day, beyond pointing the camera and yelling “Action.” But, then, his
career thus far is mostly video shorts and TV sketches, so the notion of
sustaining a 98-minute feature may have overwhelmed the poor lad.
But I did say “almost.”
Kendrick, alone among her fellow
cast members, turns Alice into an actual person. Granted, she’s every bit as crude
and profane as Tatiana, but there’s a palpable sense that Alice behaves this
way out of desperation and insecurity (as opposed to Plaza, who never escapes
her own real-world persona).
Alice has a heart; she also has a
moral center, even if she works hard to bury it. But that’s the point: Kendrick
turns that struggle into a credible emotional conflict. Having once been left
at the altar, Alice is sensitive about the whole wedding thing, and therefore
eager to “help” Jeanie overcome her anxieties. If Alice’s efforts at assistance
invariably go awry, that just makes her more determined: a blossoming display
of altruism that Kendrick sells persuasively.
She also makes Efron a more
palatable presence, in their shared scenes; he becomes almost bearable. Alice
and Dave quickly bond, and — unlike Tatiana and Mike — they’re willing to
explore this mutual attraction. With Kendrick, Efron’s Dave also develops
something approaching a recognizable personality.
But then the brothers get
together again, and they revert to 10-year-old brats. Honestly, they don’t look
smart enough to tie their own shoes. (I’ll bet they rely on Velcro.)
Dim-bulb stupidity is nothing new
in Hollywood, with numbnuts behavior dating back to Laurel & Hardy, the
Keystone Kops, the Marx Brothers and countless others. And yet there’s a
difference: Our modern practitioners — Will Ferrell, Seth Rogen, Zach
Galifianakis, the Dumb & Dumber duo, and so many more — are childish cretins. There’s no art to
their so-called humor; it’s the sniggering, lowest-common-denominator conduct of
naughty little boys who think bad words are the height of humor.
They aren’t. And it’s tedious.
Granted, I’m not the target
audience for the likes of Mike and Dave.
But I’m also not reflexively opposed to smutty moron comedies, having
thoroughly enjoyed Superbad, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Bridesmaids and quite a few others. My
beef is with actors, writers and directors who don’t try very hard, and who set
the bar so low; viewers deserve better for their hard-earned cash.
Kendrick is the only one trying here.
And in a cast of roughly a dozen significant characters, that’s not a very
impressive ratio.
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